IAN
I made a "drastic decision" about my hair in middle school that ended up being one of the most important
points in my transition, way before I even thought about gender or transitioning.
I definitely get a certain sense of euphoria from having my hair short and getting haircuts and whatnot. But I also get palpable dysphoria when it's longer. Even just on the back of my neck– that's something that is very real to me. My hair is one of the only things that I associate heavily with my gender presentation, and it's not even necessarily about perceived masculinity; it's just that I need it to be this way. It's very much wrapped up in my own journey and self-identity and whatnot, so basically any emotions that I have about my own identity or transition can be mirrored by [my hair].
[Shaving the sides and back of my hair] was one of the things my mom was worried about for me; she was not sure it was gonna look good or whatever. It was the same as when I cut all my hair off. But immediately after I did it she was like, 'ohmigosh it's so cute!' It's so funny to me, because whenever I change my hair little more drastically she's scared about it, but as soon as I come home she loves it.
Growing up being expected to have long hair was a thing for me until about 7th grade, when I was like, oh, what if cut off all my hair? It really wasn't anything more than that, it was just an urge. And I did it, and eventually that became one of the hallmarks of my gender expression. A lot of stylists get confused; they'll ask 'oh, when did you cut your hair short?' "When I was twelve!" They're like, 'really!" And it's like, yeah, and I haven't gone back! Because I don't want to. And I guess that's probably gonna stay the case given it's been years and years now. So, I made what could have been considered a drastic decision about my hair in middle school that ended up being one of the most important tools of self expression that I've done, and probably one of the most important points in my transition, way before I even thought about gender or transitioning. And that allowed me to grow into [my gender identity] in a very gender-ful way.
I really like [shaving the back and sides of my hair] because the tactile feel of it being fuzzy in the back. Eventually, I got my mom to, when I got home, touch the back of my head, which is like a very weird thing to do! But she was like, 'ohh... oh this is nice!!" hahaha. And now it's like her favorite thing to do!